Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gentle as "free from harshness, sternness, or violence; soft, delicate."
I am not naturally a gentle person. In my worst moments, I am harsh, brash, and loud. In my best moments I still don't think I would ever be characterized as soft or delicate. In some ways, I like this about myself. I can be strong in difficult situations. I don't give in when people are trying to walk all over me. I can speak my mind easily. I don't have trouble communicating my emotions or thoughts. Yet, I deeply desire my words to be without harshness.
I am not sure how many times I have read these words from Proverbs 31 and longed for them to be true of me: "When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions."
This morning I read Proverbs 15.1: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." I have read these words many times before, always as a reminder that if I am calm and gentle in a tense situation, I can keep the other person calm as well.
But something different hit me about this verse today. I am married to a man who does not return harshness or anger when it's doled out to him. When I am mad and being irrational, he is steady, unflappable. When I think about this verse in our marriage, it doesn't fit. I don't have to give a gentle answer or be without harsh words to turn away his wrath. But when I speak in gentleness, when my words are without harshness and unkindness, the wrath is turned away in me. When I speak in anger and let my emotions fly, anger is stirred up in me. I had always read this verse as being about the other person (and I do think it fits that too), but today I realized it turns those things away in me.
The way for me to turn away wrath and not stir up anger in myself is how I speak.
I remembered being on a flight a couple of months ago with the Tiny One, without the husband. The a/c on the plane wasn't working, the flight was totally packed, the attendants didn't think my 11 month old really needed a glass of water (and if they gave her water, all the other folks would want water as well), the Tiny One didn't want to nurse or play with the toys I brought, and we were waiting on the plane to take off for nearly an hour. It was not an ideal situation. I was sweating like crazy (I had just hefted my girl all around Love Field in a carrier, running at times, to make this flight) and was starving. Somehow, I mustered the ability to speak calmly to my girl. "I know it's hard. Mama is not feeling great either. Would you like to play with these toys? Oh look! Your favorite book! Look, if you point your finger, you can trace his tail ..." I just kept speaking in calm, steady tones to her. Eventually, she was calm. Maybe it was my words. Maybe it was that she felt my calmness. Yet for me, by simply speaking these words out loud - "It's hard and a little frustrating, but it will be ok and we have to stay calm" - I was calmed.
