I've been doing a mini book club with a friend, via email. We both wanted to read a few of the same books this year, so we decided doing it together meant we might actually read and think about them. We started with A Million Little Ways by Emily P. Freeman. And can I be honest? We started off well and have slacked ... here's a reminder to myself to see it through.
We have both said we had a hard time getting into it, but it really picks up after chapter 3, and I've found many good nuggets along the way. Also, we both really like the practical, so it was to be expected that in a book about living art, you might not have an entire book of check-it-off-the-list practical ideas.
One quote that has stuck with me from the book is: Do anything that pleases you, and belong to Me. Barbara Brown Taylor
I didn't read this quote as anything worldly or sinful that pleases me, but that of deep pleasure and joy. It has rattled in my brain because I often think we look at God's will as a magic 8 ball of sorts. We must be in the right job, right house, have a baby at the right time, talk to the right person at this juncture ... not that I don't believe God has careers or jobs for us, or that we shouldn't be tender to hear the Spirit during our days to talk to someone or speak truth -- but, it's not a game where we have to land on just the right spot. He wants us to live out His calling on our lives and show His glory where we are.
I've been considering what do mothers who live as ART, who live big and joyfully with their children, look like to me. They are focused on what's important. They listen when their kids speak. They bring their children alongside what they're doing (going to the store or cleaning isn't always just something to get done, but an opportunity to engage with their kids). They take care of themselves physically, spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. They have a vibrant relationship with their husband.
Small tweaks in my days have meant I am alive and engaged with my family in a new way. It's not perfect, but the thought of looking back on these days and seeing myself engaged, purposeful, and intentional is what I hope for. Seeing and living the art in caring for children and our home is a freeing focus.
3.12.2014
3.11.2014
just start.
I often hear friends say they'll begin something, only to fail or not follow through, so they leave the goal or idea right there. I can get there too. I'll tell myself I am not going to eat candy or sweets, but I'll forget or give in and eat a little bit. Instead of thinking, "You just had a small amount! That was a good choice!" I will just keep eating more all day long because I already "failed."
In the beginning of the year, when goals and ideas are fresh, we can easily have momentum to move forward. But then February (or March or April) comes along, and our resolve is less than. When I need a fresh start, I have a few tricks up my sleeve that make me feel like I can, once again, conquer the world (or at least my laundry pile).
1. Tidy the house and set up for the day the evening/night before. This means when I wake up, I don't see toys strewn about, dishes to tackle, or smell something funky that's been left out in my kitchen. It's not a deep clean, but it means I wake up not feeling bombarded. I also set out clothes for myself and the kids the night before if we are going somewhere in the morning. We all have clean socks and underwear for the following day (or if we really don't have any of those things, I can take care of that in the evening and not try to find a solution on our way out the door the next day).
2. Get up before my kids. I have certainly had seasons where this doesn't work. When my babies are tiny and I am up at crazy hours, I don't press this. But even in the tiredness, having minutes to myself before I am "on" for the day sets my mood. And my mood sets the tone for our days.
3. Make a short and attainable to-do list. I like the idea of only have 3(ish) things on my to-do list. When the list has 10, I already feel like a failure before I start. I have my cleaning and home tasks that I like to accomplish every week broken down into 2-3 items per day. I can add 2-3 other to-do things (make a phone call, run an errand), but that's it. I have a master to-do list where I write everything down, but it doesn't move from day to day with me. I pull from the master list as I complete items on my daily list.
4. Make my bed. If my bedroom feels settled and grown up (I really do try to keep toys and kid gear out as much as I can), somehow it brings calm to my days.
5. Bring a friend along. For me, this means texting a friend or two and saying, "I want to accomplish _______" or "I'm trying to reach _______ goal" -- will you help me? Knowing someone may email or text or call and ask about it pushes me to move forward.
In the beginning of the year, when goals and ideas are fresh, we can easily have momentum to move forward. But then February (or March or April) comes along, and our resolve is less than. When I need a fresh start, I have a few tricks up my sleeve that make me feel like I can, once again, conquer the world (or at least my laundry pile).
1. Tidy the house and set up for the day the evening/night before. This means when I wake up, I don't see toys strewn about, dishes to tackle, or smell something funky that's been left out in my kitchen. It's not a deep clean, but it means I wake up not feeling bombarded. I also set out clothes for myself and the kids the night before if we are going somewhere in the morning. We all have clean socks and underwear for the following day (or if we really don't have any of those things, I can take care of that in the evening and not try to find a solution on our way out the door the next day).
2. Get up before my kids. I have certainly had seasons where this doesn't work. When my babies are tiny and I am up at crazy hours, I don't press this. But even in the tiredness, having minutes to myself before I am "on" for the day sets my mood. And my mood sets the tone for our days.
3. Make a short and attainable to-do list. I like the idea of only have 3(ish) things on my to-do list. When the list has 10, I already feel like a failure before I start. I have my cleaning and home tasks that I like to accomplish every week broken down into 2-3 items per day. I can add 2-3 other to-do things (make a phone call, run an errand), but that's it. I have a master to-do list where I write everything down, but it doesn't move from day to day with me. I pull from the master list as I complete items on my daily list.
4. Make my bed. If my bedroom feels settled and grown up (I really do try to keep toys and kid gear out as much as I can), somehow it brings calm to my days.
5. Bring a friend along. For me, this means texting a friend or two and saying, "I want to accomplish _______" or "I'm trying to reach _______ goal" -- will you help me? Knowing someone may email or text or call and ask about it pushes me to move forward.
self-care.
When I was younger, I assumed I was an extrovert. I like to talk (a lot) and process verbally, I like engaging with new people, and I am not overwhelmed talking to a new person.
I also assumed that Kevin was an introvert. He's more reserved, doesn't spew everything that pops into his brain out of his mouth (wisdom!), and is often quiet with new folks (as I've learned, he's taking time to really listen and get to know them).
As it turns out, we're both a little of each, but I fall in the introvert category and he falls in the extrovert category. I am recharged when I am on my own or in small groups. Time with a good friend, talking over coffee or dessert or a great meal, recharges me. Reading alone recharges me. Going on a walk and thinking and talking in my brain recharges me. Parties with lots of people (even people I hold dear) make me tired. I often wondered why I was exhausted when I lived with five other girls in college. Yes, we stayed up too late, but I can see now it was the constant people around -- I had very little space to myself.
In these early years of mothering and being home full-time with my littles, I am physically required to do a lot during the day. It's not always difficult, per say, but it's tiring. And I am very rarely alone. As I grow in caring for my babies and knowing myself, taking care of myself has moved higher on the priority list. I can truck through a bit (although my "bit" is pretty short-lived), but soon I'll need a recharge.
Sometimes I'll be talking to someone about this and they perceive I mean something extravagant like a day at the spa or a night away alone or with my husband. Both of those do sound dreamy, but that's definitely not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about finding a rhythm in my days and weeks to take pulse on how I'm feeling and what I need to get back to being the best wife, mama, friend, sister, daughter I can be. I made a list of things that take short bits of time (less than an hour, but most are 5-15 minutes) that refresh me, and I refer to that list often when I need a little pep in my step.
Going on a walk (if the littles are along, I find a good podcast and wear headphones for some of the walk to get the "feeling" of being alone)
Sitting and drinking tea during nap time or after the kids are in bed
Yoga for 5+ minutes
Taking a bath
Sitting outside
Journaling or writing
Cooking or baking alone
Reading
This is in addition to the regular ways we aim to care for ourselves as a family -- eating real food, moving our bodies most every day, getting enough sleep (or as much as our small children will let us get), weekly date nights, and getting up before the kids to get a start on the day before they need me.
I've found when I am consistently caring for myself, keeping these little bits in the regular rhythm of my days, I am more energized and more able to care for the people and things entrusted to me.
I also assumed that Kevin was an introvert. He's more reserved, doesn't spew everything that pops into his brain out of his mouth (wisdom!), and is often quiet with new folks (as I've learned, he's taking time to really listen and get to know them).
As it turns out, we're both a little of each, but I fall in the introvert category and he falls in the extrovert category. I am recharged when I am on my own or in small groups. Time with a good friend, talking over coffee or dessert or a great meal, recharges me. Reading alone recharges me. Going on a walk and thinking and talking in my brain recharges me. Parties with lots of people (even people I hold dear) make me tired. I often wondered why I was exhausted when I lived with five other girls in college. Yes, we stayed up too late, but I can see now it was the constant people around -- I had very little space to myself.
In these early years of mothering and being home full-time with my littles, I am physically required to do a lot during the day. It's not always difficult, per say, but it's tiring. And I am very rarely alone. As I grow in caring for my babies and knowing myself, taking care of myself has moved higher on the priority list. I can truck through a bit (although my "bit" is pretty short-lived), but soon I'll need a recharge.
Sometimes I'll be talking to someone about this and they perceive I mean something extravagant like a day at the spa or a night away alone or with my husband. Both of those do sound dreamy, but that's definitely not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about finding a rhythm in my days and weeks to take pulse on how I'm feeling and what I need to get back to being the best wife, mama, friend, sister, daughter I can be. I made a list of things that take short bits of time (less than an hour, but most are 5-15 minutes) that refresh me, and I refer to that list often when I need a little pep in my step.
Going on a walk (if the littles are along, I find a good podcast and wear headphones for some of the walk to get the "feeling" of being alone)
Sitting and drinking tea during nap time or after the kids are in bed
Yoga for 5+ minutes
Taking a bath
Sitting outside
Journaling or writing
Cooking or baking alone
Reading
This is in addition to the regular ways we aim to care for ourselves as a family -- eating real food, moving our bodies most every day, getting enough sleep (or as much as our small children will let us get), weekly date nights, and getting up before the kids to get a start on the day before they need me.
I've found when I am consistently caring for myself, keeping these little bits in the regular rhythm of my days, I am more energized and more able to care for the people and things entrusted to me.
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