it is a miracle.

"It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season - like all the other seasons - is a good time to not only tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them." 

Lemony Snicket, The Lump of Coal

expectant.

I shared last night with some women that I feel like I am lacking depth in many relationships -- these relationships are sustained and "ok", but not thriving. I know this is the life of a parent, and especially a mom, because my days are spent focusing on E, caring for her -- and our relationship has grown and blossomed exponentially. One of the relationships I feel is lacking (and by my own hand) is with God. It is not non-existent or in a difficult spot, but I have noticed that while I used to hear from Him sometimes daily, usually weekly for someone else - a word of encouragement, etc - this doesn't happen right now. I know there are times of silence to grow us and I believe that. But this lack of hearing is because of my lack of listening and taking time to listen. 

Today on my walk I listened to a sermon. It was powerful and quite a bit stuck with me, but this one line really stood out -- to be someone who isn't surprised when God moves or is at work, but one who expects it. It made me think of Psalm 5.3: "Each morning I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly." 

We've had a few weeks that life has been very hard for those around us. We have felt their loads and have done our best to step in and carry what we can. I have felt a bit lost and hopeless at times -- is He listening? 

This morning I was reminded, yet again, that He is listening. He is present. He is not surprised by the events happening. He was not caught off guard. And my role is expect Him to move and heal and work. And when He doesn't do as I see fit? My role is to trust and believe that He sees the bigger picture and works all things for our good.

Many years ago and friend wrote me a note with this verse: Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has promised to her will come to pass - Luke 1.45. It is one that has come back to mind in many seasons. And now, I pray for this verse to be true in my life - that when He speaks it will be in my heart as if it already is. That I would not waver, but believe His promises in faith.

something in the works.

Just two years ago, almost at the exact same time of year, we announced that our tiny one was on the way. And now, nearly two years to the month, another one is in the works. Our newest addition is due in mid June and we are over the moon. I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be the mother of two. 

I'm sure I'll have more to say as this one grows, but for now I wanted to share our joyful news. It's a sweet thing being pregnant as we enter Advent - being able to, in a very tiny way, connect with Mary's anticipation of Jesus.

gentle answer.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gentle as "free from harshness, sternness, or violence; soft, delicate." 

I am not naturally a gentle person. In my worst moments, I am harsh, brash, and loud. In my best moments I still don't think I would ever be characterized as soft or delicate. In some ways, I like this about myself. I can be strong in difficult situations. I don't give in when people are trying to walk all over me. I can speak my mind easily. I don't have trouble communicating my emotions or thoughts. Yet, I deeply desire my words to be without harshness. 

I am not sure how many times I have read these words from Proverbs 31 and longed for them to be true of me: "When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions." 

This morning I read Proverbs 15.1: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." I have read these words many times before, always as a reminder that if I am calm and gentle in a tense situation, I can keep the other person calm as well. 

But something different hit me about this verse today. I am married to a man who does not return harshness or anger when it's doled out to him. When I am mad and being irrational, he is steady, unflappable. When I think about this verse in our marriage, it doesn't fit. I don't have to give a gentle answer or be without harsh words to turn away his wrath. But when I speak in gentleness, when my words are without harshness and unkindness, the wrath is turned away in me. When I speak in anger and let my emotions fly, anger is stirred up in me.  I had always read this verse as being about the other person (and I do think it fits that too), but today I realized it turns those things away in me. 

The way for me to turn away wrath and not stir up anger in myself is how I speak. 

I remembered being on a flight a couple of months ago with the Tiny One, without the husband. The a/c on the plane wasn't working, the flight was totally packed, the attendants didn't think my 11 month old really needed a glass of water (and if they gave her water, all the other folks would want water as well), the Tiny One didn't want to nurse or play with the toys I brought, and we were waiting on the plane to take off for nearly an hour. It was not an ideal situation. I was sweating like crazy (I had just hefted my girl all around Love Field in a carrier, running at times, to make this flight) and was starving. Somehow, I mustered the ability to speak calmly to my girl. "I know it's hard. Mama is not feeling great either. Would you like to play with these toys? Oh look! Your favorite book! Look, if you point your finger, you can trace his tail ..." I just kept speaking in calm, steady tones to her. Eventually, she was calm. Maybe it was my words. Maybe it was that she felt my calmness. Yet for me, by simply speaking these words out loud - "It's hard and a little frustrating, but it will be ok and we have to stay calm" - I was calmed.

good things from around the web.

God Doesn't Triage from Lark & Bloom

Father's Day Gift Guide from Cup of Jo (this is one of my favorite blogs - it's a fabulous mix of almost everything!)

Summer Reading from The Tiny Twig

7 Simple Ways to Help A Friend Move from Simple Mom

something new.

I have a few songs that are my "go to" songs when I need to refocus, get out of a bad mood, or get good perspective. One of my favorites is Too Proud from Enter the Worship Circle. I googled and lyrics earlier today and realized I had been singing one line wrong (and it's the line I used to title this blog ...). I thought about renaming the blog, but I'm keeping what I've got. It says something that even in naming a new blog, I don't get it right. I can be certain about something (in this case, song lyrics), only to find out I was completely off. And in that, I'm still learning and changing. That's good news to me today. 


I'm too proud to ask
Too broke to eat
Too weak to bow
Too strong to bleed


Can you sing over me words to comfort? 
Can you satisfy me, sweet honey? 
Can you break through me, strong hands? 
Can you undo me enough to heal me? 


You take the weight from my shoulders
My hands were clenched, now they're open
I'll take your goodness poured from the sky
Food from the ravens, water from the dry well