As we move into October, I've been doing a lot of reflecting. My 33rd birthday is around the corner, and it feels like a fresh start when I start a new year. One word that keeps coming up is INTENTIONAL. I think there are a lot of places in my life I am intentional, but in relationships, this is often more difficult for me. I can conquer a to do list well, but focusing on people that can't be "checked off a list" is more difficult for me. And I know I am growing in being present, learning to "be" and not always doing, but I still have space to grow.
Several blogs I read have monthly goals or intentions. I love the idea of something big(ger) to focus on for the month. It gives me time to really see something emerge. If I do a new thing for a few days, I often don't feel or see a difference and I move on.
My October intentions are:
- spend time outside with E every day (and Mack too, if it works)
- do at least 15 minutes of yoga every day
- blog 2 times a week
- write at least 1 email/note a week to a friend
Our days have taken on an easy rhythm and I am really, truly enjoying these days. I had a lot of plans for us for the fall. E and I did a lot of "going" before Mack arrived and it worked well for us. We'd go somewhere almost every day, able to pop home right before nap time and then she'd nap for 2-3 hours. In the midst of having a baby, recovering from the c-section, and learning how to move through our days with 2 littles, that routine wasn't working anymore. I found myself frustrated that Mack wouldn't "go along" with the things E and I have been doing.
And then I felt the Lord tell me to take most everything off our schedule. The only thing we have "scheduled" during the week is our Monday play group. And even that gets skipped if my mama gut instinct is that the littles (or I) need the morning at home. Naps are (finally) happening more. Our days aren't hectic or hurried. We are able to move slowly, rest when we need to ... and while I am not spending nearly as much time with grown ups as I did months ago, I am enjoying my kids. Our home feels peaceful and our days are simple. I am being stretched to be content and enjoy this space and season, even though it doesn't look just like I thought it would.
After typing all that it might sound like our days are all smiles and quiet moments. This certainly isn't true. I've got an opinionated, verbal two-year-old with me all day (and she has an opinionated, verbal mama), and that lends itself to a lot of deep breaths (for both of us) and disciplining. But even in that, the Lord is stretching and growing my heart for her. I see so much of myself in her big emotions. It's teaching me to care for myself well so I can engage and guide E.
I desire for her to be a woman who knows how to be in control of her emotions, not overrun by them. When she falls on the ground sobbing because Mack is still asleep, her breakfast is not what she wanted, or we have to leave a fun activity, I see my heart and how I respond (although usually my response is internal and I don't actually fall on the floor crying) and allow my emotions to go wild. We are working to learn self-control and walk in peace in our home, the both of us.
Each morning I am meditating on these verses, that they may be true for our family and our home:
"May PEACE be within your walls" Psalm 122.7
"One handful of peaceful repose (meaning = rest, sleep, being in one place) is better than two fistfuls of worried work." Ecc. 4.6
"Wisdom is more precious than rubies; and nothing you can wish for is to be compared with her... Her ways are highways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace." Proverbs 3.15-17
No comments:
Post a Comment