quiet mornings.

When E was born, I was given a lot of advice: sleep when the baby sleeps, your house won't be clean -- give it up!, don't get up early for anything. Of course, there are seasons with littles and in some of those our house has been less clean than others and in some I have napped much more. My days this time involve disciplining, caring for, and talking to a 2-year-old almost all day. I adore E and love being home with her -- but I cannot spend months checked out and tired. The end of pregnancy is hard on us -- and I already spent more than a few weeks being a bit checked out with my girl and at home. I decided 10 days after Mack was born to trim my diet (not going on a diet -- changing what I was eating) to include foods I knew would nourish me, help me continue nursing, and give me energy. I knew I would be lacking in sleep, but my girl needs a present mama, so I set out to do what I could to give myself the energy I needed. 

One morning I was praying and felt the Lord speak clearly -- that if I wanted to THRIVE in this season of having a newborn and a toddler, if I want to grow in my friendships, if I want my marriage to flourish -- my roots must be deep in Him. 

"But blessed are those who TRUST in the Lord

 and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. 

They are like trees planted along a riverbank, 

with roots that REACH DEEP into the water. 

Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. 

Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit." 

Jeremiah 17.7-8

The morning I read this, I was immediately convicted. I had settled into the mindset that I could "coast" because I'd just had a baby and there was a lot on my plate. Now, this is true. We are adjusting and transitioning and learning this new season of life. There is a bit more on my plate -- which is all the more reason that I must plant myself next to the water. I desire to live intentionally, to be present with my family, to prosper and produce fruit in each season. I felt clearly that the Lord was asking me to carve out time in the morning to refocus. In years past, this time has been a huge chunk. I remember when I lived alone and would have an hour or more each morning of time to pray and read. That is not the season I am in now -- but He is meeting me in my 10 or 15 minutes and it has changed our home. 

I had a realization (you mamas out there might be thinking, "Yep. I knew that already.") the other day -- when my attitude is off and I am not peaceful and seeking joy, every person in my family suffers. My attitude and heart set the tone for our home. 

On the mornings that I am not up as early as I'd like or Mack is up earlier than I had hoped, I grab coffee (bless that husband of mine for making a pot of coffee for us every morning before I get out of bed!) and sit down to nurse Mack in his room. I read this each morning (from Ann Voskamp's blog -- A Holy Experience), and really sit on it those mornings when it's all the time I'm getting before I hit the ground running (I have it as a photo on my phone -- you can download a PDF copy, so I can easily pull it up): 

10 Grace Prayers for Joyful Parenting
1. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to make our home a house of prayer. I will pray at set times. And I will invite our children to come move into an interior space that lives with God.
2. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to transfigure all things into beauty. He's working to redeem all things, in His time, into the image of His Son.
3. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to see that life is not an emergency. Emergencies 
are sudden, unexpected events— and is anything under the sun unexpected to God? I can slow and I can trust.
4. Just for today, I will ask for His grace, that when stress mounts, I'll dismount it with 
gratitude. My stress coping mechanism will be verbal intervention with verbal thanks. It's impossible to simultaneously feel stress and gratitude at the same time and I choose to give thanks at all times. Fight feeling with feeling!
5. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to speak words that are only strong words, words 
that make these children feel strong. Grace words. Grace is the only non-toxic air.
6. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to be consistently consistent. I will create safe 
rhythms that our children can find security in. I will create daily ceremonies because everyday we are CELEBRATING the gift of now!
7. Just for today, I will ask for His grace, the moment when I am most repelled by a child’s behavior, that is my sign to draw the very closest to that child.
8. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to hug each of my children as many times as I 
serve them meals — because children’s hearts feed on touch. I’ll look for as many opportunities to touch my children today as possible — the taller they are, the more so.
9. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to make my priorities all Things Unseen.
10. Just for today, I will ask for His grace to laugh! And I will let the little children laugh! I will create a culture of JOY!

there's a baby coming thoughts.

We've had a before-the-baby-comes to do list made for some time. We are slowly pecking away at it, but I am starting to feel the nesting and "this must get done" urge a bit more. There were a lot of things we didn't get for E (baby swing, bouncer, to name a couple) that I am thinking I may want/need this time around. We are paring down what's in our house and what's on the "to buy" list as well. I know there is still time, but I also know once spring really hits, we will want to be outside and doing more fun things than putting together a crib or buying a new car seat for E. I am determined to move through this list and hopefully have some days (or weeks!) to just enjoy being a family of three before this boy joins us. 

The feelings are so similar this time around -- I remember distinctly thinking I wasn't sure I wanted to change things with just Kevin and I when I was pregnant with E. I loved it just being us - we'd entered an easy, peaceful season and we were happy. I feel the same way this time, but it's three of us instead of 2. I love my little family and this sweet season we are sitting in. I know as soon as this boy joins us it'll feel like he was always here, but I am still walking through the emotions of realizing it'll never again be just me and my girl. She made me a mama. And I know her, oh so well. It's easy (ok, as easy as raising a toddler ever is) right now and our days are pretty predictable. But in a few months, all that will change. It will change for the better, but change all the same. 

Side note: At yoga last week (when I was 26 weeks along, mind you) someone mentioned they were surprised I was still doing yoga and that I hadn't had my baby yet. I almost laughed --my belly gets much larger than this!

it is a miracle.

"It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season - like all the other seasons - is a good time to not only tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them." 

Lemony Snicket, The Lump of Coal

expectant.

I shared last night with some women that I feel like I am lacking depth in many relationships -- these relationships are sustained and "ok", but not thriving. I know this is the life of a parent, and especially a mom, because my days are spent focusing on E, caring for her -- and our relationship has grown and blossomed exponentially. One of the relationships I feel is lacking (and by my own hand) is with God. It is not non-existent or in a difficult spot, but I have noticed that while I used to hear from Him sometimes daily, usually weekly for someone else - a word of encouragement, etc - this doesn't happen right now. I know there are times of silence to grow us and I believe that. But this lack of hearing is because of my lack of listening and taking time to listen. 

Today on my walk I listened to a sermon. It was powerful and quite a bit stuck with me, but this one line really stood out -- to be someone who isn't surprised when God moves or is at work, but one who expects it. It made me think of Psalm 5.3: "Each morning I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly." 

We've had a few weeks that life has been very hard for those around us. We have felt their loads and have done our best to step in and carry what we can. I have felt a bit lost and hopeless at times -- is He listening? 

This morning I was reminded, yet again, that He is listening. He is present. He is not surprised by the events happening. He was not caught off guard. And my role is expect Him to move and heal and work. And when He doesn't do as I see fit? My role is to trust and believe that He sees the bigger picture and works all things for our good.

Many years ago and friend wrote me a note with this verse: Blessed is she who has believed what the Lord has promised to her will come to pass - Luke 1.45. It is one that has come back to mind in many seasons. And now, I pray for this verse to be true in my life - that when He speaks it will be in my heart as if it already is. That I would not waver, but believe His promises in faith.

something in the works.

Just two years ago, almost at the exact same time of year, we announced that our tiny one was on the way. And now, nearly two years to the month, another one is in the works. Our newest addition is due in mid June and we are over the moon. I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to be the mother of two. 

I'm sure I'll have more to say as this one grows, but for now I wanted to share our joyful news. It's a sweet thing being pregnant as we enter Advent - being able to, in a very tiny way, connect with Mary's anticipation of Jesus.

gentle answer.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gentle as "free from harshness, sternness, or violence; soft, delicate." 

I am not naturally a gentle person. In my worst moments, I am harsh, brash, and loud. In my best moments I still don't think I would ever be characterized as soft or delicate. In some ways, I like this about myself. I can be strong in difficult situations. I don't give in when people are trying to walk all over me. I can speak my mind easily. I don't have trouble communicating my emotions or thoughts. Yet, I deeply desire my words to be without harshness. 

I am not sure how many times I have read these words from Proverbs 31 and longed for them to be true of me: "When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions." 

This morning I read Proverbs 15.1: "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." I have read these words many times before, always as a reminder that if I am calm and gentle in a tense situation, I can keep the other person calm as well. 

But something different hit me about this verse today. I am married to a man who does not return harshness or anger when it's doled out to him. When I am mad and being irrational, he is steady, unflappable. When I think about this verse in our marriage, it doesn't fit. I don't have to give a gentle answer or be without harsh words to turn away his wrath. But when I speak in gentleness, when my words are without harshness and unkindness, the wrath is turned away in me. When I speak in anger and let my emotions fly, anger is stirred up in me.  I had always read this verse as being about the other person (and I do think it fits that too), but today I realized it turns those things away in me. 

The way for me to turn away wrath and not stir up anger in myself is how I speak. 

I remembered being on a flight a couple of months ago with the Tiny One, without the husband. The a/c on the plane wasn't working, the flight was totally packed, the attendants didn't think my 11 month old really needed a glass of water (and if they gave her water, all the other folks would want water as well), the Tiny One didn't want to nurse or play with the toys I brought, and we were waiting on the plane to take off for nearly an hour. It was not an ideal situation. I was sweating like crazy (I had just hefted my girl all around Love Field in a carrier, running at times, to make this flight) and was starving. Somehow, I mustered the ability to speak calmly to my girl. "I know it's hard. Mama is not feeling great either. Would you like to play with these toys? Oh look! Your favorite book! Look, if you point your finger, you can trace his tail ..." I just kept speaking in calm, steady tones to her. Eventually, she was calm. Maybe it was my words. Maybe it was that she felt my calmness. Yet for me, by simply speaking these words out loud - "It's hard and a little frustrating, but it will be ok and we have to stay calm" - I was calmed.

good things from around the web.

God Doesn't Triage from Lark & Bloom

Father's Day Gift Guide from Cup of Jo (this is one of my favorite blogs - it's a fabulous mix of almost everything!)

Summer Reading from The Tiny Twig

7 Simple Ways to Help A Friend Move from Simple Mom